“Who’s your Daddy?”
A collective questioning
It was my mom’s birthday this weekend, which she shares with her brother, my uncle- same day-four years apart. Their Dad, my Pawpaw, celebrated his heavenly birthday the following day. And celebrating on either side of the calendar with many beautiful Libra friends too.
I wonder for my mom and her brother and their dad, growing up in a household where you all share the same special weekend. Maybe birthdays become equivalently as much about you, as they are about the people who surround you- the ones who build you, who help create you- in ways that are innate and often unseen.
It is fun to feel love for yourself because you love the people you love! On either side of self and other, it ultimately is a large spectrum of connection and further down the line the “all is one” viscerally becomes real. It starts to make sense based on a feeling that I believe is granted by truth.
Ya’ll know me, big time lover girl, explorer with self doubt, and maybe that is why my life has been completely steered (and sometimes train-wrecked) all in the name of love. I’ve traveled, moved, followed for relationships, I’ve stayed in places too long because of relationships. I’ve toyed with my own self identity based on the interests of the other in relationships.
To this day, my family will still joke about my “passion for public transportation.”
My college crush, Cory- who studied Civil Engineering, seemed to be the illuminator. For the record- is true. I do have a passion for public transportation. It was funny because my family may have never heard this out of my mouth until the so-called-crush.
I had never taken the city bus at that time! But i’ve grown up visiting New York, so I understand the subway, I had been to Europe and taken the rail. I understood communal voyages were at the very beginning of our DNA… So I had experienced something through my desire for exploration, but doubted the cards I had been carrying. I hadn’t yet seen the validity in my own string of self-enclosed attachments, the confidence to claim, “I like this!”
It would take some minor-to-major exchange of ideas, information, communication, along the journey to have these parts of myself reflected back, acknowledged and codified. Which even through the bane of it all, still ends with “I’M EVERY WOMAN” playing in my head.
I try to see the best in people, and therefore I think people get to see the best parts of me- because ultimately, they’re seeing the best part of themselves.
~“Hello wonderful human friend, isn’t it nice to be alive? We can try together. We must figure this out.”~
In a hyper-individualistic world, empowerment is imperative.
Well, let’s rewind back to my mom’s birthday because ultimately this post is about my momma. We all know the saying: “who’s your daddy?”- but we all know, she got it from her mama.
The point is simple: I enjoy being around my mom because she enhances her environment. She cares about her people. She opens her home in a way that’s rarely experienced. She’s not completely perfect, she’s climbed some mountains and ran some marathons, she’s fought her way through every ringer, and coming out on the other side with positivity. Commanding that her heart’s desires are good.
She moves fast and is always busy, but she slows down to listen- as long as you land the plane.
Stick with me here, because we are going cross-continental-with views of cups, Christ, beauty, union, love, humanity.
The weekend prior, it was my cousin Gigi’s wedding. Now Gigi and Jack Havard are somewhere on a boat floating around Croatia, enjoying the Adriatic Sea and Mediterranean waters. They’ve navigated their story back to source. I’ve been reveling in their union ever since the ceremony.
Maybe it was how the sun aligned with the blue stained glass of the church, casting a protective hue around their love. Or that it was 4:44pm when Jack said his vows. Maybe it was the glow in confidence and devotion emanating so brightly from Gigi as she walked down the aisle in holy matrimony- a radiance that’s poured over into the community around them.
It is their covenant with God that’s crafted this residual depth because it is not just gratitude for the people you love, it is the warm cherished self- enclosed bone written understanding that God is love.
And when you reign in your redemption story- when you rewrite, rewire, flip the record in a way that is soul- shifting way-you understand the shackles, you understand the freedom. And you ride the wheel of samsara instead of getting caught in the suffering.
I get to see the God in you; I get to reflect God back to you. Here in the waters there’s levity. We are held, we are seen, and we have a friend on the inside.
And I guess through all of this biblical underwriting, I am just at a point in the relationship with my Mom, with its own redemption, and that I am happy to be her Daughter. I really feel special because i’ve garnered a sense of maturity, appreciation, and confidence from the woman she is. Because she is that kind of friend.
There is a newness in our connection, deliberate and voluntary. By the perfect grace between the masculine and feminine- My mom’s immense energy and my father’s humble heart, I feel more gifted for success that I now can appreciate.
Which is like my own personal, self redemption story.
And While I try to refrain from political rhetoric and global vendettas, our culture is crying out not just for a change of wind, but a change in religion. We are haunting our egos with self discovery and devotion. The change is eminent.
I know we are all on this road of upheaval and sanctified resistance- a collective: “Whose your daddy” kinda moment.
I know my dad, I know where I come from. I am fortunate and blessed to play my part in the way I do here; I can see the widespread confusion of our origins- being utterly confused myself- but knowing in a way that exists outside of language.
Think what it took for Homo sapiens to elevate their DNA for the past some odd 300,000~ years. If you sit with this- I hope you feel the miracle it is just for your existence.
Maybe we stop questioning who- and just know we go it. We’re all worth it. And I think it is worth it to give it a go.
Thanks for being here.
And I continue to see God in you🕯️
4 songs:
Govenor Reiss- Praise Him 2013
New Orleans Native, Gospel Hip hop, thank you WWOZ, I had to traaaccckk down, shazam had no idea! Ya’ll Mr. Krabs is FEELING IT.
Fleetwood Mac- Thrown down 2003
On the themes of redemption and masterpiece
Zach Bryan ft. Kacey Musgraves - I remember everything LIVE 2023
So this is well known but new to me, Antoine keeps coming home and listening to this song on repeat as I lay listening, with my heart swollen and tears in my eyes. The collection of voices passionately letting the wind sweep their hair, I find wilding enamoring. This is the feeling of Gigi and Jacks wedding.
Chaka Khan- I’m Every Woman 1978
comment section is hitting. GIRL GANG
BONUS *
Gogol Bordello - Start Wearing Purple 1999
Straight from the comment section on youtube:
“It is one of the very few songs I wrote for a girl. I just moved in with my girlfriend in New York. We had a Neighbor : an old woman who was always dressed in purple head to toe. She was clearly bonkers. So whenever my girlfriend and I had an argument and she would start screaming at me, I would say: you might as well start wearing purple now.” - Eugene Hutz
Goodness is alive
Redemption through love
Nights at home
Picnics on Bourbon
Thank you for sticking around
xx